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Dear Donald,
I’m sorry to hear that. As you know, everyone is different. After reading your letter, I can feel that you really love your friend. But you need to know. Maybe she doesn’t love you. I think you should talk to her. You should know what’s she thinking. Love need two people, not just one. But if you keep it on, she might be changed. All in all, it’s up to you.
Jason
罗珊老师点评:书信格式掌握非常好!提出的建议中肯而有力,语言使用也不错,但要注意少犯甚至不犯语法错误(what she is thinking about. Love needs two people...)。
范文:
Dear Donald,
I’m sorry to hear about your problem. But I think you can get it over if you do something necessary. Here are my suggestions.
First, you should calm down and think about whether your girl friend loves you. Second, you should talk with your friend and know what she is thinking about. And finally, make a decision to decide if you should keep such a relationship with her.
All in all, the most important thing is to have a talk with her first and you will find ways to solve your problem.
Best wishes.
Jason
谭骏驰
It is my dream to have not many rules school. There aren’t many rules in my dream school.
The school is like a prairie, and we are the birds, we are free. In the classroom, we can eat food, we can play, but if we want to fight or run, we need to do that outside. In the classroom, there are only two rules: Don’t dirty the classroom and we must make the teachers happy!
For lunch, we have it in a big dining hall. There are lots of nice food to choose, and all the food are free! We can also talk with our friends. But we must keep the dining hall tidy.
It is my dream to have a great school like this. We are the birds; it is free to fly in the sky. Can my dream come true?...Umm...I think it’s impossible, because there is no one teacher is not strict (there is no teacher who is not strict)!
张幔老师点评:第一段的have not many rules school 是一句Chinglish,可改为have a school of few rules。第二、三段讲的都是school rules, 宜并为一段。第三段并没有很恰当地点题,没有明白地表达作者自己很正能量的想法。文章里有些句子表达有误,如最后一句就是比较典型的错误。
范文是谭骏驰修改后的文章。学生们总是有很多梦想,从范文看得出小作者渴望学校能给予自己更多发展的空间,希望自己在学校学好各种本领,长大后能自由飞翔。从文章结构看,这是一篇总→分→总的文章。小作者能够主动灵活运用新学的一些句型,值得赞赏。如This is my dream school, in which we can learn everything we need. Can my dream come true? 和一些谈论规则的句子。
范文:
In my dream there is a school without many rules.
In my dream, the school is like a prairie. We are free. We have no homework. We have lots of time to read books and play games with our friends. There are only two rules: Don’t make mess in the classroom and listen carefully to the teachers! If we want to jump or run, we need to do that outside. We can have lunch in a big dining hall. There are lots of nice foods to choose from, and all the foods are free there! We can also talk with our friends while having lunch. We have only one rule here: Keep the dining hall clean.
This is my dream school without many rules, in which we can learn everything we want. We can even practice flying in the sky like birds. Can my dream come true?
I’m sorry to hear that. As you know, everyone is different. After reading your letter, I can feel that you really love your friend. But you need to know. Maybe she doesn’t love you. I think you should talk to her. You should know what’s she thinking. Love need two people, not just one. But if you keep it on, she might be changed. All in all, it’s up to you.
Jason
罗珊老师点评:书信格式掌握非常好!提出的建议中肯而有力,语言使用也不错,但要注意少犯甚至不犯语法错误(what she is thinking about. Love needs two people...)。
范文:
Dear Donald,
I’m sorry to hear about your problem. But I think you can get it over if you do something necessary. Here are my suggestions.
First, you should calm down and think about whether your girl friend loves you. Second, you should talk with your friend and know what she is thinking about. And finally, make a decision to decide if you should keep such a relationship with her.
All in all, the most important thing is to have a talk with her first and you will find ways to solve your problem.
Best wishes.
Jason
谭骏驰
It is my dream to have not many rules school. There aren’t many rules in my dream school.
The school is like a prairie, and we are the birds, we are free. In the classroom, we can eat food, we can play, but if we want to fight or run, we need to do that outside. In the classroom, there are only two rules: Don’t dirty the classroom and we must make the teachers happy!
For lunch, we have it in a big dining hall. There are lots of nice food to choose, and all the food are free! We can also talk with our friends. But we must keep the dining hall tidy.
It is my dream to have a great school like this. We are the birds; it is free to fly in the sky. Can my dream come true?...Umm...I think it’s impossible, because there is no one teacher is not strict (there is no teacher who is not strict)!
张幔老师点评:第一段的have not many rules school 是一句Chinglish,可改为have a school of few rules。第二、三段讲的都是school rules, 宜并为一段。第三段并没有很恰当地点题,没有明白地表达作者自己很正能量的想法。文章里有些句子表达有误,如最后一句就是比较典型的错误。
范文是谭骏驰修改后的文章。学生们总是有很多梦想,从范文看得出小作者渴望学校能给予自己更多发展的空间,希望自己在学校学好各种本领,长大后能自由飞翔。从文章结构看,这是一篇总→分→总的文章。小作者能够主动灵活运用新学的一些句型,值得赞赏。如This is my dream school, in which we can learn everything we need. Can my dream come true? 和一些谈论规则的句子。
范文:
In my dream there is a school without many rules.
In my dream, the school is like a prairie. We are free. We have no homework. We have lots of time to read books and play games with our friends. There are only two rules: Don’t make mess in the classroom and listen carefully to the teachers! If we want to jump or run, we need to do that outside. We can have lunch in a big dining hall. There are lots of nice foods to choose from, and all the foods are free there! We can also talk with our friends while having lunch. We have only one rule here: Keep the dining hall clean.
This is my dream school without many rules, in which we can learn everything we want. We can even practice flying in the sky like birds. Can my dream come true?