汪星人的控诉

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  When I was a puppy I entertained you with my antics and made you laugh. You called me your child, and despite a number of chewed shoes and a couple of murdered throw pillows, I became your best friend. Whenever I was “bad,” you’d shake your finger at me and ask “How could you?”—but then you’d relent and roll me over for a belly rub.
  I remember those nights of nuzzling you in bed, listening to your confidences and secret dreams, and I believed that life could not be any more perfect. We went for long walks and runs in the park, car rides, stops for ice cream (I only got the cone because “ice cream is bad for dogs,”you said), and I took long naps in the sun waiting for you to come home at the end of the day.
  Gradually, you began spending more time at work and on your career, and more time searching for a human mate. I waited for you patiently, comforted you through heartbreaks and disappointments, never chided you about bad decisions, and romped with glee at your homecomings, and when you fell in love.
  She, now your wife, is not a “dog person”—still I welcomed her into our home, tried to show her affection, and obeyed her. I was happy because you were happy. Then the human babies came along and I shared your excitement. I was fascinated by their pinkness, how they smelled, and I wanted to mother them, too. Only she and you worried that I might hurt them, and I spent most of my time banished to another room, or to a dog crate.
  As they began to grow, I became their friend. They clung to my fur and pulled themselves up on wobbly legs, investigated my ears and gave me kisses on my nose. I loved everything about them, especially their touch—because your touch was now so infrequent—and I would have defended them with my life if need be. I would sneak into their beds and listen to their worries and secret dreams.
  There had been a time, when others asked you if you had a dog, that you produced a photo of me from your wallet and told them stories about me. These past few years, you just answered “yes” and changed the subject. I had gone from being your dog to “just a dog,” and you resented every expenditure on my behalf.
  Now you have a new career opportunity in another city and you and they will be moving to an apartment that does not allow pets. You’ve made the right decision for your “family,” but there was a time when I was your only family.
  I was excited about the car ride until we arrived at the animal shelter. It smelled of dogs and cats, of fear, of hopelessness. You filled out the paperwork and said “I know you will find a good home for her.” They shrugged and gave you a pained look. They understand the realities facing a middle-aged dog or cat, even one with “papers.”   You had to pry your son’s fingers loose from my collar as he screamed “No, Daddy! Please don’t let them take my dog!” And I worried for him and what lessons you had just taught him about friendship and loyalty, about love and responsibility, and about respect for all life. You gave me a goodbye pat on the head, avoided my eyes, and politely refused to take my collar and leash with you.
  After you left, the two nice ladies said you probably knew about your upcoming move months ago and made no attempt to find me another good home. They shook their heads and asked “How could you?”
  They are as attentive to us here in the shelter as their busy schedules allow. They feed us, of course, but I lost my appetite days ago. Whenever anyone passed my pen, I rushed to the front, hoping it was you—that you had changed your mind—that this was all a bad dream…or I hoped it would at least be someone who cared, anyone who might save me.
  I heard her footsteps as she came for me at the end of the day and I padded along the aisle after her to a separate room. A blissfully quiet room. She placed me on the table, rubbed my ears and told me not to worry. My heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come, but there was also a sense of relief.
  She expertly slid the hypodermic needle into my vein. As I felt the sting and the cool liquid coursing through my body, I lay down sleepily, looked into her kind eyes and murmured “How could you?”
  Perhaps because she understood my dog-speak, she said“I’m so sorry.” She hugged me and hurriedly explained it was her job to make sure I went to a better place, where I wouldn’t be ignored or abused or abandoned, or have to fend for myself—a place of love and light so very different from this earthly place. With my last bit of energy, I tried to convey to her with a thump of my tail that my “How could you?”was not meant for her. It was you, My Beloved Master, I was thinking of. I will think of you and wait for you forever.
  May everyone in your life continue to show you so much loyalty.
  小时候,我总会做些滑稽古怪的动作把你逗得哈哈大笑。即使我把你的许多鞋子和抱枕都撕咬抓破,你还是会把我称为你的孩子,我成了你最好的朋友。每次我“使坏”的时候,你都会向我摇摇手指,问道:“你怎么能这样做呢?”——但之后你就会心软,然后把我翻转过来,揉揉我的肚子。
  我还记得那些夜晚,我在床上用鼻子抚弄你,聆听你的那些雄心壯志和不为人知的梦想,我相信那就是最美好的生活。我们会花很长时间在公园里散步、追逐、开车兜风,停下来买雪糕(我只能吃雪糕外面的圆筒,因为你说:“雪糕对狗狗不好。”)。我会在太阳下大睡一觉,等你天黑时回家。
  渐渐地,你开始把更多的时间花在工作和事业上、花在寻找一个人类伴侣上。我耐心地等着你,在你伤心失望时安慰你,从不指责你做过的任何一个错误的决定,在你回家时、得知你恋爱时,高兴得上蹿下跳。
  她,你现在的妻子,不是一个“爱狗之人”——但我还是欢迎她加入我们这个家,我努力向她示好,服从她的命令。只要你开心我就开心。然后,你的孩子出生了,我和你一样激动。我被他们那粉嫩嫩的皮肤和身上的气味深深地吸引住了,我也想像母亲一样照顾他们。但你和她却担心我可能会伤到他们,所以我大部分时间都被赶到另一个房间或者狗屋里去。   随着他们渐渐长大,我成为了他们的朋友。他们拉着我的毛,摇摇晃晃地站起来,研究我的耳朵,亲吻我的鼻子。我爱他们的一切,尤其是他们的抚摸——因为你现在已经不常抚摸我了——如有必要,我会用我的生命保护他们。我会偷偷溜到他们的床上,倾听他们的烦恼以及不为人知的梦想。
  以前,当有人问及你是否有一只狗时,你会从皮夹里掏出我的照片,然后跟他们说起我的趣事。但这几年,你只会回答一句“有”,随即便转开话题。我已经从你的狗沦为“只是一只狗”了,你还对花在我身上的每一笔开销深恶痛绝。
  现在,你在另一座城市有新的工作机会,而你和他们将会搬到一个不允许养宠物的公寓。你为你的“家人”做出了正确的决定,但曾几何时,我也是你的家人,唯一的家人。
  在我们到达动物收容所之前,我一路上都在为能和你一起乘车而感到兴奋不已。这里充满着猫猫狗狗的气味、恐惧以及绝望的气息。你填完了那些文件,然后说“我知道你们会为她找到一个不错的家。”他们耸耸肩,难过地看了你一眼。他们明白一只中年的狗或者猫所要面对的现实,哪怕这只狗或猫是有“文件证明”的。
  当你儿子叫喊着:“不,爸爸!拜托!不要让他们带走我的狗!”时,你得掰开他那拉着我项圈的手指。而我为他感到担心,看看你刚刚为他上了怎样的一堂课?关于友谊、忠诚、爱、责任、以及尊重一切生命的一课。你拍拍我的头作为道别,躲避着我的目光,委婉地拒绝了带走我的项圈以及牵绳的要求。
  在你走后,那两位亲切的女士说你很可能在数月前就清楚自己要搬走了,但却没有试着为我寻找另一个不错的家庭。他们摇摇头,说道:“怎么能这样呢?”
  她们在百忙中给予我们尽可能多的关爱。当然了,她们会给我们吃的,但我几天前就已经没有胃口了。每当有人经过我所在的围栏时,我就会冲上前去,希望那是你——希望你改变了主意——希望这只是一个恶梦……或者我希望至少有个人能在意我,能救救我。
  晚上,她来找我时,我听到了她的脚步声。我沿着她身后的走道来到了一间单独的房间。一间让人觉得幸福安然的房间。她把我放到了桌子上,揉揉我的耳朵,让我不要担心。我的心因即将到来的事情而砰砰直跳,但同时也有一种如释重负的感觉。
  她熟练地把皮下注射针扎进我的血管。我感觉到一股冰冷的液体伴随着一阵刺痛流进了我的体内,我昏昏沉沉地躺了下来,望着她充满善意的双眼,低声呢喃道:“你怎么能这样呢?”
  也许她听懂了我的“狗语”,她对我说:“对不起。”她抱着我,急忙地解释说把我送去一个更加美好的地方是她的職责所在,在那里,我不会被人忽略、受人虐待、或者遭人遗弃,也不用自己照顾自己——那是一个充满了爱与光明的地方,与这个凡尘俗世很不一样。我用身上最后一丝力气重重地甩了甩我的尾巴,试图借此告诉她我所说的“你怎么能这样呢?”并不是对她说的,那是对你说的,我亲爱的主人,我会永远地想你、等你。
  愿你生命中的每一个人今后都能如此忠诚地对待你。
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